No Longer A Secret
by x.Sess.x.Satan.x
Summary: Kris and Nicole bring a terrible secret to light.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Red Dwarf or any of its wonderfully amazing characters.

**Author's note:** I couldn't let Nicole go without one silly little fanfic! Sorry :) This is one of my shortest stories ever at just one chapter long. This is also my first attempt at slash, and it's a bit gentile but I hope you'll like it anyway. It is NOT Rimmer/Lister (sorry if that's a disappointment) but after reading a Lister/Cat one, I thought 'Yeah, I want to do something different, too.' So here it is. Please RR.

"Happy New Year!" Kris, Nicole, Lister and Rimmer all cheered in unison.  
"Not that it matters," added Lister, "'cos the same things happen every year."  
The others stared at him.  
"But maybe I'm missin' the point…"  
But Lister actually _did _have a valid point. It was meaningless celebrating occasions, because every day was the same. But on the other hand, there was precious little else to do on Red Dwarf - if they didn't have the odd shindig, they'd all go nuts. For this reason, the two couples had loaded Jim, Bexley and Charlotte on Kryten for the night, opened a bottle of champagne, and generally partied hearty! The Cat had given up trying to join in with human joviality fairly early on; his idea of a good time was to try on his latest suits, not get completely pissed and see who can hold their breath the longest without passing out. So he had gone back down to his hideaway and naturally Ginny had gone with him. Holly and Jesse also hated these sorts of nights; they knew it would be their responsibility to record every detail about it, so they could inform the others the next day who it was that had left the pyramid of beer cans in the Observation Dome. So they told the others they were on down-time, and went back to testing each other from the Junior Colour Encyclopedia of Space.

Nicole gently placed a hand on her husband's knee to stop him from jiggling up and down in a weird interpretation of dance.  
"I don't think I've ever been this drunk!" Kochanski drawled.  
"I wouldn't say that," Lister replied, "Remember last year? Christmas? You sang Gloria Gayner's 'I will Survive', naked."  
"And what about the time you accidentally drove Starbug into a planet?" Rimmer joined in.  
"And that bloke's party," Nicole added, "Before the accident. What was his name?"  
"Brad?"  
"That's it! You got completely blitzed then."  
"I don't remember it…"  
"You don't? How could I have let you forget that! You got in with him!"  
"Hey! I don't tell your embarrassing secrets to Arnold!"  
"So you _didn't _forget...!"  
"Of course I didn't forget, you smeghead!"  
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Lister, "You're a slut!" And he burst out laughing.  
"You can't talk!" Rimmer piped up, "Remember that time you brought back that brunette?"  
"No," Lister said truthfully.  
"The one that was with the blonde..?"  
Nicole screamed with laughter, "Smegging hell, you had a threesome?"  
"I'm not proud of it, alright! Although, that was a fun night."  
"Not for me," Rimmer said, "I'll never get 'Helen go there; Dave go there' out of my head!"  
The music changed.  
"Oh, I hate this song." Nicole complained, "I'm gonna go change it, won't be a second." She left the room to go down to the audio room.

"Hey," Kris said after the humiliation of 'I will Survive' had subsided, "Has anyone here ever…done anything with a member of the opposite sex?"  
There was a dull silence.  
"No," Rimmer and Lister said in quick succession.  
"No, me neither," said Kris.  
Nicole came back.  
"Question, question," Lister said, unnecessarily raising his hand, "Nikki, have you ever kissed a girl?"  
"Er…yes. Once."  
"What?" came three voices simultaneously.  
"What are _you_ so surprised about?" she said in Kochanski's direction, "It was with you."  
Lister's jaw dropped. Rimmer grabbed the seat of his chair to stop himself falling off.  
"Is that true?" Lister asked Kris.  
"Yyyyyyeah…" came the drawn out reply.  
He gripped tighter but it was no good - Rimmer fell off his chair.  
"When?" he said as he stood back up.  
"At Brad's party-" Kris began.  
"Twice in one night? Smeg, you really are a slut!" Lister interrupted.  
"So…what happened?" Rimmer asked meekly. Nicole and Kristine looked at each other, silently willing each other to start. Kris buckled first.  
"OK, we had just got back from the party. I was telling Nik about my…experiences with Brad. She started complaining that she didn't have a sex life; I found myself feeling sorry for her and…I don't know, maybe it was just that she felt so lonely. The look in her eyes. It just made her so…attractive. I was completely pissed!"  
Rimmer put his hand to his forehead, just to the side of his 'H', "Oh. My. God."  
"Why does this bother you so much? Loads of my friends have had drunk, gay kisses!" Nicole said casually, "Are you seriously telling me neither of you have ever even considered another man?"  
"Er, NO!" Rimmer said loudly.  
"I've never even considered _considering _it!" Lister declared.  
"Why? It's not a big deal!" Nicole continued, "Watch!"

She grabbed Kris and planted a kiss on her lips. Rimmer and Lister could only sit and watch as they ran their hands down each other's backs and through each other's hair. Kris, although taken aback at first, quickly fell into it and slipped her tongue down her best friend's throat. They could feel themselves getting hot. It was a good five minutes before they realised their spouses were present. They broke away and fought for breath.  
Rimmer and Lister were speechless.  
And quite rightly, too!


End file.
